The man next to me is tapping as I read. I’m seconds away from kicking him in the plums & taking a picture of his wheezing face as a trophy.
£2.20 for the tram!? £2.20!? I hope the machine dispenses a dildo with my ticket so I can go fuck myself.
Recreate the ‘excitement’ of the Alan Titchmarsh show by attending a funeral on ketamine.
Not only is Gaddafi 10 types of cock, his face looks like a carrier bag full of cottage cheese.
‘Unexpected item in bagging area’. Really? It’s only milk its not like it’s Mick Hucknall in a jock strap. That’d be unexpected.
OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Trying to text on a BlackBerry when drunk is like using a baguette to send an email.
To show my respect for Nate Dogg today whenever there’s silence I vow to break it with a ‘REGULATORRSS, MOUNT UP!’ ‘Cause I’m a twat.
Next time you’re in a book shop…
My girlfriend is going to experience some fine dining tonight. I’ve bought her some new pans.
Hey World, we have till 2012 according to the Mayan Calander. Give us a fucking break.
